THE NIGERIAN UNIVERSITY EXPERIENCE: RELIGIOUS PHASE.

 DISCLAIMER: This might come across as offensive to religious and nonreligious people. No apologies. I don’t care about your feelings.

 Christianity is used in this post because it is what I know and I’m too tired for research and don’t @ me.

For the sake of clarity, the religious phase in second year will be discussed using a twisted version of the Parable of The Sower (CC: Matthew, Mark , Luke & John (?) and find the chapters yourself).

The farmers in university could be a prayer warrior roommate, a fellowship stalking your existence, or a friend who succeeds in dragging you to a pastor deification ceremony-I mean night vigil (OOPS!). The seeds are scattered as thus:

The first seeds get to the “front benchers” in every class or lecture theatre. They claim to be devout Christians-more Catholic than the Pope, Deputy God/God in Diaspora, pray the loudest, CEOs of Gossip Incorporation and try to sell their messed up version of Christianity to every breathing thing on campus. These people are one of the most self-centred, rude and damaged people you’d find in university. Total bunch of ashakashas (You should know what this means by now!).

The second seeds get to the “Jesus soldiers” (literally). These students mean well and actively try to improve their relationship with the “oga at the top” but, they over indulge. The Church becomes their lecture hall, accommodation and even their course of study. Their academic lives suffer under an astonishing level of delusion that “living” in church will somehow give them the grades they deserve. Pray for these people, for they’re about to leave uni with a -1 CGPA.

The third seeds get to the “Bible Billboard” students, who shy away from having healthy conversations with their peers, because they cannot make valid arguments without bringing their faith into it. With these lots, the simplest of things are blown out of proportion because of the inability of their brains to differentiate between their faith and reality or even connect the two when necessary!!! 

The fourth seeds get to the students who succumb to the most moronic doctrines thought up by someone who was probably drinking vodka whilst reading the Bible. They come up with insane ideas like" no boyfriends/girlfriends", no ear piercings or trousers for the ladies and skirts that should leave the campus bereft of a speck of dust. They refuse to check out the Bible for themselves and see how people have manipulated and finessed the shit out of the word of God to suit their retarded minds.

The fifth gets to the “Hannah Montanas”. Moving mad on weekdays and Holy Marys on Sundays; Double lives; Miley Stewart and Hannah Montana. Pastors, head of choirs and the farmers themselves who shag like rabbits on the weekdays fall into this category. This is all I’ve got to say. Their issue is in God's hands and I wouldn't wanna interfere.

The sixth gets to the undercover non-religious folks. They realize that they have no concrete reason for going to church, but decide to go anyway to avoid stares from their classmates or suggestive questions from their parents. However, one day, the light must overcome the dark. The light is their real belief that Christianity is a" scam" and they want nothing to do with it. They either end up as atheists or take up a new religion (Hi Buddha!).

The seventh gets to the “main people”, the real Christians. These people are one of the most wonderful set of people in uni. They understand the love of Christ and try to share it with anyone they come across. They’re the best people to talk to about burdens and they don’t try to shove their faiths down your throat. Hold on to these people because they shall bring you peace and clarity of mind.

OGA AT THE TOP: A way of referring to someone you hold in high regards in Nigeria. An explanation of its origin can send me to jail.

The above picture is a lame attempt at forming a cross. I can't be stealing pictures from Google before someone comes to collect me with all the heavy law terms and sue my destiny away. I'm just a broke uni student.