CHIOMA’S PORSCHE, KANYE’S SLAVERY AND BLAC CHYNA’S 18 YEAR OLD BOO.

Photo credit: Google

Disclaimer: This post doesn’t have a jocular agenda and I strictly advice that you open your mind and educate yourself, whilst quietly stepping down from the table I’m about to shake. 

Hello guys, I hope y’all are okay and unlearning the trash that is plaguing your lives and also putting rubbish people into the dustbin where they belong? I bet you are.

This blog post is a round of the biggest stories on social media that have happened from the end of April till the first week of May. Basically, I’m going to be talking about them, giving an unbiased take on them, drawing your attention to lessons and in general, just giving my opinion because it’s hot, I’m bored and I have no one to vent to. Shall we?

CHIOMA’S PORSCHE

First of all, a huge shout out to all the chiomas in Nigeria because one of your own has secured the bag in the form of a Porsche Panarema and her very own hit song.

So, for people who don’t know about the story, Nigerian Artiste Davido, recently got his long time girlfriend a Porsche for her 23^rd birthday. Whilst I’m surprised at the effervesce on social media, compared to when our president’s son allegedly bought an “Okada” for N800m, I couldn’t help my utter shock at the reasons men people were giving for Davido’s actions. 

Relationships in Nigeria are usually quid pro quo, which is why men people claimed that Chioma got her Porsche because she was being a good girl or girlfriend and not a “slay queen”.

Normal definition of a good girlfriend: A woman who reciprocates her partner’s support to achieve set goals, and loves her boyfriend unconditionally.

Nigerian definition of a good girlfriend: A woman who cooks, cleans, breastfeeds and treats her “man” like a newborn child, respects him by allowing him mistreat her and stays even when he cheats and even gives her an STD.

My main worry was when men people tried to push the baseless narrative that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, for women to acquiesce to. Repeat after me:

WOMEN ARE NOT CATERING AND CLEANING SERVICES!!!

Want to say it louder for the people at the back?

???

First of all, Chioma is a chef and, to urge women to be like the “hypothetical Chioma” who isn’t a “slay queen” and cooks for Davido is completely stupid, I’m sorry. Not everyone has a cooking or cleaning bone in their body and that’s okay. Xyz might work for C&D but not for A&B. Now, to open your scattered dentition to wail that more women should be like Chioma to get rewards shows your unassailable citizenship status of the zoo.

The opinion that women will get gifts only when they domesticate themselves should be flung into the burning corona of the sun. Relationships shouldn’t be transactional and women should really stop listening to people who tell them to shrink themselves to accommodate the fragile ego of men that demands that their subpar selves be treated like newborn children or invalids. There is nothing wrong with Chioma cooking for Davido, just stop making it a standard. Again, Chioma is a chef.

I’m not saying Davido was wrong for buying her a car-heck, I wouldn’t mind if he got me one too or, saying women shouldn’t cook or clean. All I am saying is that y’all should drop your misconstrued reasons for Davido’s actions and giving unsolicited advice to women on relationships that solely involves domesticating themselves even when they don’t want to. Chioma and boo are probably getting the best catering from a Sous chef whilst the rest of y’all are reading stupid meanings into a birthday gift. Piss off.

KANYE WEST AND SLAVERY

Have y’all read the book “Our husband has gone mad again”? This aptly describes our MCM, Kanye Omarion West, who recently got back on Twitter and has been tweeting up and down, like a precocious child who has a social media addiction problem. First, was his blatant support for Donald Trump which Twitter wasted no time in smashing into smithereens. I have no problem with that though, because anyone is free to support whoever aligns with their political views, even if that person is *Insert whatever negative comments you have about Trump. Now, most recently was his statement that 400 years of slavery was a choice. CAUGHT ON VIDEO.

 Hey garddddddddddddddd! What is this?

Not gonna lie, I have strong doubts that Kanye is even black because it takes a lot of coconut water in a black person’s brain for them to say something as insensitive as this. Kanye’s statement, in my opinion has the ability to justify and enable racism for our yt pipo. His statements scream rich privilege because he doesn’t go through what an average black person goes through in white spaces all over the world. I want to give him the benefit of doubt that he doesn’t know much about the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade but in the same vein, extend an invitation to him to the Badagry Slave Trade Museum. I’m sure that if he visits the museum, he’ll retrieve his opinion, eat it and pass it in the toilet where it belongs.

I’m not finished.

Those of you Africans, Nigerians specifically, who are supporting or trying to use a magnifying glass to look through and justify Kanye’s opinion, shame on you. I’m sure you are the lot who say rape or domestic abuse is a choice. I hope a masquerade chases and whips you with a cane in your dreams. Bunch of incompetent fools with buffalo mouths. KMT.

Y’all should also stop dragging Kim and the Kardashians into this. Kanye is a grown ass man that is responsible for himself. Leave her out of this and stop blaming women when men go off the rails.

BLAC CHYNA AND HER 18 YEAR OLD BOO

Blac Chyna has been quite the show-stopper in recent years, from trying to be a Kardashian to a bunch of headlines that I don’t even have the strength to type. Recently, reports alleged that she is pregnant with her third child for an 18 year old male rapper.

On one hand, Blac Chyna is almost 30 and her beau is 18, meaning that they aren’t doing anything illegal. On the other hand, having a child with an 18 year old will not get a thumbs up from me because it’s a WHOLE ASS CHILD and I’m not sure if any 18 year old is mentally or emotionally equipped to handle such a huge responsibility but hey, kids these days grow up fast, don’t they?

However, my problem exists with the people who are calling her names because of her pregnancy. Y’all should understand that people have the right to live their lives as they want to, as long as it doesn’t affect anyone. If she wants to have a child with a child, let her. It’s not your business. Men have 5 baby mamas and it’s suddenly acceptable.

Y’all will keep “pim” anyways if it was a 30 year old man marrying an 18 year old girl.

Bye.

*North & South Korea are reunited meaning that we're all gonna die.