NIGERIAN UNIVERSITY EXPERIENCE: ASUU STRIKE

The theme of this post is something I never thought I would write about this early. My next post should’ve been about the third year experience, but the recent madness that’s been happening in Nigeria has awoken my dormant brain to discuss one of the most infamous experiences whilst attending a public university in Nigeria, THE ASUU STRIKE.

For my international readers (oh yes! Kill yourself if you’re not happy) and the ignorant Nigerians (you should be ashamed), ASUU (Academic Staff Union of Universities) is an academic body for tertiary institutions in Nigeria. They are infamous for their labour strikes, which have lasted up to six months and grounded all academic activities in public tertiary institutions across the country. The strikes started as far back as 1988, with the worst happening in 2009 and 2013 respectively (5 months and 15 days). You’d be lucky if you attend a public uni and escape it.

The latest strike which has been on for more than a week on the day this post was written, stemmed up from disregarded funding by the bitcherton Federal bitcherton Government of bitcherton Nigeria. The Union has had enough and the federal government doesn’t care right now because they are trying to prevent the rat kingdom from taking over Nigeria (Google rats and Nigeria and you’d understand). I blame the Federal  Government for neglecting our universities for so long. I blame the buffoons we’ve had as Ministers of education who are oblivious to what happens in our universities because all their children are in some university abroad where the cost of the tuition fees might leave you deaf.

Let’s face it. Our universities are trash. ALL ROUND TRASH. Our infrastructures are trash, our confused curriculums are trash, our lecturers are trash, our classrooms are trash. TRASH! TRASH! TRASH!!! Most parents cannot afford to send their children to school abroad because the gap between the rich and the poor here is on a Pacific Ocean scale. There is no middle class. If most parents could afford a foreign education for their children, they wouldn’t even think twice (Mine wouldn’t even send me. Are they trash too? Maybe).

This issue trended on Twitter in the past week and a lot of people had an opinion. However, an uncultured swine (insert warthog) who is a public figure was on about raising the tuition and introducing a loan system. I was gobsmacked, triggered and out of my mind. Where are the jobs to help the students pay back their loans after uni? Which money is the government going to give out as loans if someone can steal as much as $90b and get away with it? (Bill Gates, your money is a joke in Nigeria), what happened to free tuition? All the countries that give free tuition “Shey won lori meji?” (Yoruba for “Have they got two heads?”). 

We should really reconsider the people we make public figures in Nigeria. A lot of them make the word “idiotic” sound like a mediocre joke. I cancel and destroy every enemy that wants to put Nigerian students into debt after uni. You shall catch fire in Jesus name!!!

Education is really disregarded in Nigeria. There's no plan for the future or even the present. It is an honest mess that needs to be sorted out urgently. Our curriculum needs the smell of an English Dictionary; our classrooms need fresh air; our lecturers need a better pay and better benefits: our schools need to hire people with actual brains, stability and sexual satisfaction so students can stop getting the short end of the stick.

Oh well. The ASUU strike has halted the exams of a few universities. This is a time when crime and prostitution (not runz girl organisation this time) will increase, a time when fraud boys will buy a mansion in Belize and a time when organizations will be overflowing with interns with indefinite contracts.
 My heart goes out to you if you’ve been affected by this apology of a country that we’ve found ourselves in. For now, let’s help our president get rid of his rodent attack.

I really have to apologize for my hiatus. Your boy has got a job, sleep deprivation and weekends of power naps to make up for the weekdays. My eye bags are designer. I should put them up for sale on Ebay. For all my enemies that thought this blog was going to disappear with the summer breeze, I'm here again and I hope you get thrown in the bin soon.