NIGERIAN UNIVERSITY EXPERIENCE: SECOND YEAR

 

"Many are called, few are chosen". Is this a Bible verse?!? If it is (or not: Oh sweet Jesus), it sums up the second year experience and has no ties with heaven or hell.

Second year is usually a year of self discovery, after making the decision not to drop out after first year. It's the year when students make decisions that most probably will stick with them through uni and even after. Due to the  "Acada"(complex) nature of second year, I have divided the experiences into four phases: Hoe phase, Religious Phase, I don't give a damn phase and Academic phase which would be discussed over the next few weeks.

 HOE PHASE
For our older generation readers, hoe is a slang for "whore", which in this generation now refers to promiscuous ladies. But in my reality, whore refers to both guys and ladies because I believe in equality and don't @ me. During this phase, students make the decision to be carelessly sexually active and turn their sexual organs into "community", as well doing it so well that they numb their consciences. They deactivate and cancel everything they were told about celibacy and proceed with dignity, to sleep with as much people to qualify them as candidates for Satan's dethronement because humans are now more likely to rule the kingdom of evil with much more finesse.

Honestly, if some parents heard numbers like 20, 70 or 150 bodies, they'd ship their wards to dem private unis where you could get suspended for sneezing. The male students usually have a higher number which might cause issues in their future relationships because some ladies would definitely want to know if they're number 52. Some end up with STDs, HIV, GENERATIONAL CURSES/IMPOTENCY and unfortunately for the ladies, unwanted pregnancies. They start to seek God Almighty but:

Girl, where was your God when your legs where up in the air and your eyes were rolling backwards? Boy, where was your God when you had so much energy like dem Polo race horses?

Then there's prostitution-no, i don't like that word, it's derogatory and much more different from what is done in Nigerian Universities. I love to call it RUNZ.

RUNZ is a carefully organized organization of young ladies who offer special services to men of high honour in Nigeria. It includes advertising, holiday bonanzas, abroad trips and customer loyalty bonuses. Clientele might include your father, your uncle and people I cannot mention because of the fear of Ikoyi Prisons.

RUNZ girls are students who are only seen on campus from Monday to Wednesday/Thursday . Their jobs are quite hectic and they might be MIA for weeks when the clients become demanding, and are the ones who'd look like they've just been offered admission on the first day of exams. Most do this not because they come from poor backgrounds, but because they want to live above their should means and buy phones that can pay for an economy ticket from Lagos to Los Angeles and I'm not even talking one way. ROUND TRIP!!!!!!! Their weaves probably even cost more than the yearly salaries of their lecturers.

The guys do sugar mommies, which is basically sleeping with women twice their ages for money. However, they're so discreet about it that even I can't find some juice on it.

If you've read this and you conclude that I am a lonely pervert, there will be more next week because Oju mi ti ri, eti mi ti gbo and enu mi will morrafucking soro pa all I've seen in university.

P.S: The hoe phase includes religious leaders at both fellowship and church level. The devil is hiring...

TRANSLATION: YORUBA FOR MY EYES HAVE SEEN, MY EARS HAVE HEARD AND MY MOUTH WILL MORRAFUCKING SAY ALL I'VE SEEN IN UNIVERSITY.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANY PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL AND A PRODUCT OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. JAIL IS NOT MY LOT.

PS: It is apparent that the quote at the beginning of this post has nothing to do with it. It just came to my mind. My Bible is literally beside me- and oh, it's a Bible verse.